You might be a redneck pilot if…

You might be a redneck pilot if:

1. Your stall warning plays DIXIE.
2. Your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.
3. You think sectionals should show trailer parks.
4. You’ve ever used moonshine as AVGas.
5. Your 172’s wheel pants have mud flaps with a chrome silhouette of a reclining nude.
6. Your toothpick keeps poking your mic.
7. You’ve ever taxied around the airport just drinking beer.
8. You wouldn’t be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee.
9. You use an old sweet mix sack as a wind sock.
10. You constantly confuse “Beechcraft” with “Beechnut.”
11. You’ve never flown a nosewheel airplane.
12. You refer to formation flying as “We got us a convoy.”
13. Your matched set of lightweight flying luggage is 3 grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly.
14. You have a gun rack in the rear window.
15. You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling on.
16. You figure mud and manure in your weight and balance calculations.
17. You siphon gas from your tractor to go flying.
18. You’ve never landed at an actual airport even though you’ve been flying for over 20 years.
19. You’ve ever ground looped to avoid hitting a cow.
20. You consider anything over 500 ft AGL as High Altitude Flying.
21. There are parts on your aircraft labeled “John Deere.”
22. You don’t own a current sectional, but have all the Texaco road maps for your area.
23. There’s a brown streak down each side of your airplane; exhaust on the right side and tobacco on the left.
24. You have to buzz the strip to chase off the livestock before landing.
25. You use an old parachute for a portable hanger.
26. You’ve ever landed on Main Street for a cup of coffee.
27. The tread pattern, if any, on all three of your tires is different.
28. You have a pair of fuzzy dice and some small copper shoes hanging from the Magnetic Compass.
29. You put straw in the baggage compartment so your dogs don’t get cold.
30. You’ve got matching bumper stickers on each side of the vertical fin.
31. There are grass stains on the tips of your propeller.
32. Somewhere on your plane, there’s a bumper sticker that reads “I’d rather be fishing.”
33. You navigate with your ADF tuned to only AM country stations.
34. You think an ultra light is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.
35. Just before the crash, everybody on the UNICOM frequency heard you say, “Hey Y’all…Watch This!”

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