Some more entertaining announcements ‘allegedly’ heard from airline attendants:
"As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, ‘This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft’."
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."
My favorite was, "Please place the mask over your mouth and nose before assisting your child. If you have two or more children, please select the one you love the most at this time."