From a flight attendant: "Welcome aboard Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public, unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.”
Just remember one thing
Pilot: “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than ******** Airlines."
Hilarious airline guerrilla marketing ad
Hat tip to David Parker Brown of the AirlineReporter blog for posting this hilarious example of a guerrilla marketing ad at its best. The video by Germanwings was actually filmed on a easyJet flight. Not only that, it was literally filmed behind the backs of the easyJet crew!
Feel free to move about (the cabin)
Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land… it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
Watch your head
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced:
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as shootin’ everything has shifted."
Choosing an exit strategy
There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…